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Forgiveness Is the Hardest, Holiest Work You’ll Ever Do
By Marian Jordan Ellis
I used to think forgiveness was a checkbox.
Something strong Christians did so they could move on with their lives.
Something spiritual and tidy, like a polite nod of the soul.
But then I had to forgive someone who hurt me deeply. And suddenly, forgiveness felt a lot more like a battlefield than a Bible study.
Here’s what no one told me: forgiveness is not fair. It’s not easy. It’s not instant.
But it is freeing.
And it is the only way we look like Jesus.
The Parable That Wrecks Me Every Time
In Matthew 18, Peter asked Jesus a question that hits home for all of us:
“Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus replied, “Not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
Then He told a story that cuts straight to the heart.
A servant owed his master an impossible debt—millions of dollars in today’s terms. The master, filled with mercy, forgave it all. Wiped the slate clean.
But then that same servant went out, found a man who owed him a few bucks, grabbed him by the throat, and demanded repayment. No mercy. No compassion. Just cold, hard vengeance.
When the master heard what happened, he was furious.
“Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” (Matthew 18:33)
Oof.
Every time I read that story, I see myself.
I see the ways I’ve held grudges, nursed resentment, justified bitterness—forgetting just how much I’ve been forgiven.
That’s the point of the story: forgiven people forgive.
But how do we actually do that?
The Road to Forgiveness: 3 Holy Steps
Here’s what I’ve learned—sometimes the hard way.
1. Acknowledge the Pain – Don’t Stuff It
Forgiveness doesn’t begin with pretending.
It begins with truth.
Jesus doesn’t ask us to minimize our wounds. He asks us to bring them into the light. Maybe your pain comes from betrayal. Maybe it’s rejection, abandonment, cruelty, or years of silence. Whatever it is—name it.
You can’t heal what you won’t admit.
And forgiveness starts where honesty begins.
2. Release the Offender to Jesus and Ask for the Grace to Forgive
Forgiveness is not saying what they did was okay.
It’s saying Jesus is big enough to carry what they did.
When you release someone to Jesus, you are not excusing them—you’re entrusting them to the only One who sees perfectly, judges righteously, and promises justice in the end.
Letting go isn’t passive. It’s an act of spiritual warfare.
It’s refusing to be chained to bitterness.
It’s saying, “Jesus, I trust You more than I trust my right to be angry.”
You may not feel ready. That’s okay. Ask Him for the grace to forgive.
He always empowers what He commands.
3. Ask the Holy Spirit to Heal Your Pain
Forgiveness doesn’t erase the memory.
But it does begin to rewrite the story.
After you forgive, there may still be ache. That’s why you need the Comforter. The Holy Spirit doesn’t just comfort your emotions—He heals your heart.
Over time, the wound that once defined you becomes a testimony of redemption.
Because Jesus doesn’t waste pain. He transforms it.
Why This Matters
Forgiveness is not a side note to the gospel. It is the gospel in action.
If you’ve been forgiven a mountain of debt by a holy God, how can you withhold forgiveness from someone else?
You don’t have to reconcile with everyone. You don’t have to trust everyone again.
But you do have to forgive.
For your freedom.
For your healing.
For your soul.
A Sample Prayer to Begin the Journey
If someone came to mind while reading this, don’t ignore it. Pause. Invite Jesus into the process. Here’s a simple prayer to help:
Jesus, You know the hurt I carry. You know what they did—and how it wounded me. I don’t want to carry this anymore. I choose today to forgive ____. Not because they deserve it, but because You forgave me. I release them into Your hands. You are the Just Judge. You are my Healer. Holy Spirit, I invite You into my pain. Heal what’s broken. Bind up what’s bleeding. Set me free, one layer at a time. I trust You to finish the work You started in me. In Your name, Jesus. Amen.
Final Encouragement
Forgiveness isn’t fair. But it will set you free.
You don’t have to carry that weight another day.
Jesus paid your debt—and He will carry theirs too.
You’ve been forgiven much.
Now go and live like it.
