In a culture where microwaves are considered slow, movies are on demand, and a five-minute wait at a fast food restaurant requires a tremendous amount of patience, we tend to expect immediate gratification at every turn. Our world lives in the “now.” For most of us, putting off desires until the future goes against every fiber of our being. How, then, does our generation choose to wait for sex until marriage in an “on demand” world?
“Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained, but happy is he who keeps the law” Proverbs 29:18
I write this post today because I feel called to impart truth to a generation entangled in lies from the Enemy about sex. I want to equip my sisters in Christ to fight for God’s best and empower them with a vision that enables them to wait in the midst of worldly pressures. I hurt for women who dream of being cherished yet fall for Satan’s schemes that take them away from their hearts’ true desire.
In the moment of temptation, it is hard to remember why you are waiting unless your heart is fully convinced that saying no to temptation today is actually saying yes to God’s best for you in the future. Unless a woman understands why she is fighting, then she will not be equipped to stand against the onslaught of lies and temptations specifically designed to seduce her into sexual sin. When purity proves difficult, a woman who lacks vision will eventually wave the white flag of surrender. A Christian woman needs a God-sized vision of why she is waiting.
Yes, I said “vision.”
Vision: the ability to think about and plan for the future, using intelligence and imagination, someone’s idea or hope of how something should be done, or how it will be in the future. A mental image produced by the imagination.
Why is vision essential to winning the battle for sexual purity? Because of this truth: Rules will be broken, but visions are lived. If a woman fixes her eye on the prize, she will make life choices that align with her vision. Soren Kierkegaard famously said, “Purity of heart is to will one thing.” When our “one thing” is God’s glory then we will make choices that propel us toward that glorious goal. Allow me to illustrate.
Imagine a young woman who dreamed of competing in the Olympics her whole life. As a little girl she watched athletes from her country step onto the medal platform to receive gold while their national anthems played. She wept with every victory and thought, One day that will be me, every day envisioning the day when she, too, would compete.
As she grew up, running wasn’t a “rule” but a way of life. To achieve her goal, she trained. The more she ran, the more she loved the sport. Her vision shaped her life choices. She was propelled to live a disciplined life, not in order to keep a rule but because of her great passion for the prize. Was she tired some days and dread the early morning wake-up calls? Of course, but she kept training. Each day that she ran was one step closer to her goal—Olympic gold.
This truth is a game changer in our battle for sexual purity. Vision enables us to make choices along the way to overcome temptations to quit, to persevere when facing challenges, and to say no to temporary pleasures in order to say yes to our dreams. Why? Rules will be broken, but visions will be lived.
The same principle holds true for the single Christian woman who desires God’s highest and best. Sexual purity is not about following a set of rules; it is about vision. I’ve read so many books about sex for Christian women. Most of them have a chapter that addresses the big question: How far is too far? While this is a perfectly valid question, I think we must first start with the big picture and answer the question of why. Instead of asking How far is too far? we must be women of vision who understand why purity is worth fighting for.
When you know that you are cherished and understand who you are in Christ, then you don’t want to settle for anything less than God’s beautiful design for sex within marriage.
A WOMAN OF VISION UNDERSTANDS GOD’S DESIGN FOR SEX
While we live in a world, which depicts sex as merely a recreational activity, God’s message is that sex is a profound mystery, a glorious union between a man and a woman where two become one. The Bible says:
There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” . . . We must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God- modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. 1 Corinthians 6:16–18 THE MESSAGE
Stop. Think. Marvel. “The two become one.” I hate to be the one to break the news to Hollywood, but sex isn’t “just like tennis.” It is a really big deal. A profound mystery. Move over, Cosmopolitan, no one knows more about sex than God does. (Feel free to fire all of your so-called “experts.”) Because . . . wait for it . . . God Invented Sex. He, better than anyone, knows how we can experience the best. He also knows the dangers we face when we ignore His design.
Sex is a blending of souls and is not to be tampered with in an unholy fashion. Sex was created to bond a man and woman together . . . for life. In the Bible, we are told that in marriage a man leaves his father and his mother, “and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 KJV). To become “one flesh” implies the union of man and woman in a sexual relationship. In the original language of this verse, the word for cleave is the same word for glue.
Often you’ll hear people naïvely say that marriage is “just a piece of paper.” This notion is so far from the truth. A contract is written on a piece of paper; a covenant is written on hearts. There is a vast difference between the two. In a contract, people are looking out for themselves and asking, “What’s in this for me?” In the marriage covenant, however, a man and a woman stand at an altar, before God, and promise to lay their lives down for one another.
In biblical times, covenants were sealed by blood. The marriage covenant is sealed by the physical act of sex, with the giving of bodies and souls to one another. Sex is the consummation of the covenant. But that’s not all. Sex was created to cleave together the husband and wife. Cleave? Now, that’s a straight-up Bible word if there ever was one. But this word is so filled with truth that we need to take time to unpack it so we know why we are waiting.
God designed sex to be a bonding mechanism, or the superglue, between the husband and wife, by which they become one. When two people have sex, not only do bodies join, but their souls unite and they bond to one another in a mysterious way. This bonding works beautifully within the context of marriage. But outside of marriage, this bonding can cause emotional heartache and deep and lasting damage to the soul.
Sadly, our world has made common what God made sacred. And the aftermath of this brainwashing has left a generation facing heartbreak, disease, unplanned pregnancy, uncommitted relationships, prolonged singleness, not to mention shame and regret. Sex outside of God’s design has devastating emotional and physical consequences. Despite what our favorite television shows and movies portray, there are real-life consequences that real women face, and they don’t easily resolve at the end of a thirty-minute program. These issues, for many women, are life-changing.
Our “no strings attached” culture likes to promote the idea that condoms are the key to safe sex. Believing this lie has led to unspeakable emotional and physical harm. We must wake up and see that we are more than just physical bodies; we are souls that are affected by what we do with our bodies. Sex is not just physical; it is spiritual. As The Message says so beautifully in 1 Corinthians 6:16–18, “Sex is more than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery not just a physical fact.”
When I was a young Christian woman, I discovered the “why” behind sexual purity and lived to honor God in this area. While my life before Christ was marred and devastated by sexual sin, when I turned to Jesus as my Savior, I also turned away from that lifestyle. I believed in God’s goodness and trusted that His commandment to save sex for marriage was for my best. Although there were worldly pressures and temptations, I’m so grateful that Jesus gave me a vision for sexual purity that enabled me to stand firm in the midst of pressure and resist temptation. Now six years into marriage, I can honestly say that waiting and saving sex for marriage was the greatest gift that my husband and I gave to each other. Not one single day have we regretted the time we said, “no” so we could experience God’s best.
I’d love to hear from you and pray for you,